Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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