Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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