This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
