Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
