Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
