Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Someone came in the potted fern
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
