Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
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The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
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He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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