Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
