Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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