It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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