you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
