failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
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You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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