he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
