Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
