u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
