peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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