He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
