Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
