please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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