Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I wish there were birth control emojis
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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