I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
