Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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