My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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