So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The Olympian is in my bed
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
