You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
