i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
