Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
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I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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