He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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