gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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