we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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