Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
