Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
