we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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