hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
why do cheetos always look like penises
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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