dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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