Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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