I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
