took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
