recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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