Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
