She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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