Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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