Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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