we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Send help, water and tortillas.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
