Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
