And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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