Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
