had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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