Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
