Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
