what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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