You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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