Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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