idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
