Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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