Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
