id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Everything about him screamed your future.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
