Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
