Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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